Atticus Thornton Hugh. My beautiful wee boy with copper hair. Our firstborn. Today would have been your 6th birthday. How can it be only 6 years? It's hard to formulate the memory of a time when you weren't part of my reality, a part of our family. I miss you horribly still. I know I always will. But I also know that my life is slowly growing bigger around the black ache of losing you, and I know I am incredibly lucky to have had you for as long as we did.
And you know, there's this amazing gift you have given us that goes beyond the short time we had together in reality. You have two amazing young siblings who talk about you all the time, and are constantly trying to wrap their wee minds around the concept of having a brother but not having a brother here, something that is tricky enough for your mother to grapple with, never mind a three year old. And they adore you, they really do. I love the conversations we have about you, and how you have been accepted so naturally into our wee family by these 2 little people most closely related to you, yet who have never met you. I love that Imogen told me she and Cole are extra special because they have a cloud angel brother who looks after them and not everyone is lucky enough to get one of those. And the way they have figured out that we each talk to you in our hearts since you can't hear us from all the way up there in the clouds (that's your little brother!) And the way they talk about you to anyone who will listen as if having a sibling who has died was the most normal thing in the world. And I guess for them, it is.
Tonight we had a wee celebration in your honour - mud chocolate cupcakes and pebbles, with plenty of candle lighting and blowing out. We love you baby Atticus. I ache for you every day, but I know you are safe and well and loved. Very very loved.